Below is a list of things (presumably about me) written in third person.
Six of these things are true. One is a lie, and is actually a fact about the pigmy short-horned lizard.
1. Patrick currently lives in Brooklyn, NY and works as a copywriter at an ad agency called Laundry Service.
2. Patrick was born and raised in East Tennessee amidst trees, bears, and a Dolly Parton theme park.
3. His favorite thing in life is to find something honest and true, and then finding a way to laugh at that thing.
4. He enjoys watching movies and eating fancy tacos. He knows that a lot of people like those things, too, so he hopes this doesn't sound too phoned in.
5. When threatened, Patrick can flood his ocular sinuses (the tissue below his eyes) with blood, allowing him to shoot it out of his eye sockets.
6. He is immune to poison ivy.
7. When Patrick isn't writing things, he is a self-taught sketch artist and painter, which is a polite way of saying he doesn't quite know what he's doing. However, it's a much better gift to the world than being a self-taught surgeon.